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If you think about it, we give our children many gifts. Yes, physical gifts, but more importantly, we teach them Bigger Truths and Ways to Navigate Life. What is the very best gift that you've given to your children?
Such a great question to ponder. While you are at it, think about how you were parented; what's the best gift that your parents gave to you? Now, for those of you that don't me, I am an older mom. I have 8 kids and I certainly don't have all of the answers but I do love thinking about questions like those.
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I’m very excited for this post today. Why? Well, I stumbled upon something that shifted something important with me. And I wanna share it with you.
Okay, in the last several posts, I have been talking about the concept of Parenting Below the Line, which means that we meet our children where they are at and we love them there. We guide them. We build into them. We create a family culture where our children don’t have to hide from us. And when they hide from us, we still meet them in their sin and muck and misery and we love them. We give them the undeserved gift of grace.
Parenting is such a rollercoaster, isn’t it? There are highs and lows and everything in between. When I was a young mom, I thought it would ONLY be about teaching my children how to be polite, responsible and respectful. I didn’t understand that part of my parental duties were to teach and equip them how to handle the “underworld” of our life.
Today I’m going to tackle this topic: what to do when your child gets sucked into that underworld. (Our podcast player looks a little different this week...they changed some things.)
Lent is sort of like January 1st.
It’s that natural time where we can take stock of our entire lives: spiritual, emotional, social, familial, physical, intellectual and see what needs help. What needs more attention? What needs less attention? In my last three podcasts/blogs, I’ve discussed the concept of Parenting Below the Line; kids hide things from us that they don’t want us to see. Parenting them “below the line” is about acknowledging exactly where your children are and showing up for them.
I absolutely love parents, especially parents of middle schoolers. Why? Because when their child hits puberty, a whole new level of commitment is required from the parents! And I think it is gorgeous when parents answer that call with grace and courage. And this post is going to help parents do just that. SO. If you are the parent of a middle schooler, read on!
(For those of you that do not know me, my name is Lori Doerneman, I've been married to my fabulous husband Russ for over 30 years and we have 8 children. I have a teaching degree but I don't work in the school system; I have been working in the ministry of parent education for over ten years. About seven years ago my oldest son, Eric, joined me, which surprised me at first. But I am grateful. He brings a big dimension into our presentations. I come at it from the point of view of a mother. He showcases what it was like to be a kid in the midst of the big struggles.)
Oh.my.stars. My last blog post was a month ago. FOUR WEEKS AGO! What have I been doing in the past four weeks? Well, I was sick most of January and for a week in February. It wasn’t a constant thing, but an aggravatingly off again, on again thing. So weird.
I kept telling my husband, “I want ordinary time! I just want normal back!”
I love January because I love thinking deeply about life, about where we’re going and such. The first of the year is such a natural time to do that, don’t you think?
This year I thought I would start by writing a bit deeper about my own parenting journey and how it has changed throughout the years and what it really means to "Parent Below the Line." (It's a game-changer!)
I'm excited today because I want to delve into this interesting sphere of influence that you have with your kids, spouse, co-workers and such. What I'm going to talk about today is something you may not have even considered before. What am I referring to? The power of your gaze.
How you look at people has the ability to change their life and it can actually change your life, too. This makes me excited and is actually something I've been talking about during the last couple of months; I've been giving retreats for some AMAZING mothers and I discuss "the power of the mother's gaze" in the second session and the "assignment" I give those mothers is to "seek their child's face." I know many of you cannot go to those retreats so I wanted to discuss this topic today because it's really been life changing for me! On November 12, 2021, my son Matthew was married to Abbey Motley. This was the third wedding of the year for our family.
My son Eric married Jessica Ragas on March 19. My son Mitchell married Lucy Clark on May 15. I love each and every one of my new daughters. They bring their own unique traits to my sons. And I am incredibly happy for them all. Imagine this: you have a child getting married and you have to give that child and their fiance just TWO PIECES of ADVICE before they wed.
What would it be? And how would you pick your advice? Would it be from advice you once received? Or would it be hard-earned from your own life? Would it be about faith? Family? Sacrifice? Sex? Commitment? What do you think is VITAL in the marital relationship? |
Welcome!
I'm Lori Doerneman Wife. Mom. Catholic. Idealist with 8 kids, keeping it real. 
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