You Were Created to Love

It is summer!!  Yeah! Here’s to new schedules and bike rides and swimming pools! 

I hope you are able to enter into summer, especially since it is JUNE. I don’t know how your May was this year, but ours was pretty loud, with many parties, graduations and ordinations. We loved it all but truth be told, June (with all of its open spaces on our calendar) was a welcome change.

To LISTEN to this post via podcast, press the play button below!

If you do not know me very well, my name is Lori Doerneman. I am a Catholic mom of 8 and I love to write about motherhood and how we can enter into our vocation in a more intentional way.  
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Now....motherhood IS awesome. I love love love my people so very much. I love their crazy. I love their intensity. I love their goofiness. I love their uniqueness.

However, what I do NOT love about motherhood is how raising my children has unearthed all of my issues. 
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I thought I was patient before I had kids.
I thought I had the biggest heart before I had kids. 

What I have discovered is that Lori Doerneman can jump the tracks every so often. Just ask my kids. They will share stories with you. For many years, I could not figure out how or why that happened. I mean, I love love love my kids. I'd die for them. Yet. As I gave of myself, day after day, it felt like my lifeblood was draining out, drip by drip. I felt resentful. Angry. 

WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT? I mean, in my heart of hearts, I KNEW that I was created to love. So why was it so hard to do? ​

Interestingly, one of the best gifts that I have given myself is friendships with other women. And through those relationships, I have learned that every single woman has struggled with impatience and anger and such, especially when there is an inquisitive preschooler (or two), a screaming toddler (or two) and a nipple-biting six-month old (and the mama in her first trimester).

So right from the start, let me just say that if you have a lot of littles in your family right now, I get you and your level of crazy. 

And if I may, I wanted to spend the rest of this post speaking into you.

As I have sat with moms and listened to their battered hearts, it has become obvious to me that Mom Guilt is a big thing. They went into motherhood expecting one thing and were shocked at their own lack of patience and joy.

And so they are left feeling inadequate and guilty.

So that’s where I want to start, with that lie. You are NOT inadequate. You are beautiful. Yes, you, with all of your issues. You are capable and you can be reasonable. Why? Because you are a great mother.

How do I know this? Because you get up and do what needs to be done for your kids. In the middle of the night. Early in the morning. Always. You are there for them. 

So you are not inadequate.

Now, have you screamed at them? Probably. Have you felt guilty about that? Probably. I think guilt is an okay emotion to feel. It means that you know something is off kilter.

Once we acknowledge something is a little off, we can work at fixing it. And so this post is about taking an honest look at our mothering. Looking at what is off kilter and shining a light on it. What we acknowledge is what we can change. 

Now. I love love love change. I love transformations. I mean, don’t you love make-overs of any kind? I love them. 

And the transformation that is truly important in your life: you need to become regulated. Sane. Trustworthy. Your kids need the best version of you in their lives. Why is this so important? Well, as the woman, you are the heart. You are the hub. Everything emotional revolves around you. You are incredibly important. Don’t let that overwhelm you, allow that knowledge to excite you. You are needed. The best version of you is needed.

(And, just as our kids’ needs can show us our lack, as we step up to the plate, those same needs can bring us to the best version of ourselves.)

What I have discovered in my work/ministry, is that change does not (easily and quickly and permanently) happen when we focus solely on the outcome. 

Yet that’s what we are taught to do. Think about it. Most “programs of change” will ask us to think about the outcome desired. 
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What does work? Realizing who you really are, or focusing on your IDENTITY first. 

As you claim that, and live from the place of security, which is your true inheritance as a beloved daughter, you will naturally live in a more serene way. Even with five small children hanging on you. 

Think about this phenomenal quote from Jay Stringer:
"Our belovedness will never change according to our wanderings. But our belovedness is intended to change our wanderings."

I love Jay Stringer because when he writes about something, he goes deep into our stories and our woundedness, plus he understands brain chemistry and science, then he pours in the unfathomable love of God and he makes it all form one cohesive whole. 

So, for us moms, our “wanderings” are when we are a jangled, tangled mess and totally dysregulated and spew nasty all over our children.

But.even.that.does.not.change.our.belovedness. 

Steep in this: You are not your mistakes. You are not your sin. You are seen. Loved. Delighted in. He has redeemed you. You are HIS. 

Step into this: YOU ARE LOVED. NOW. 

I love this line: 

Don’t you love that?

And you are loved. As you are, even when you wander off the path a bit. (All kids wander. We're just bigger kids!) 

As we "get" that we are LOVED NO MATTER WHAT, we can do what we do best: LOVE. 

If you want to hear more on this topic of being transformed and stepping into your truest identity and how that will help your mothering, I have more.

What kind of more? Well, after giving retreats in my home, I decided to take it online. So I designed a free online retreat specifically for Catholic moms. 

The retreat will answer these two questions: 

• How can we claim our identity in Christ? 
• And MOST IMPORTANTLY, how does this “identity change” help us as moms?

This link will take you to our product page. Find “MOTHER RETREAT” and enroll. You will love it.
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I know the world is a little crazy right now. But we have a lot of influence in our home. Let’s make the summer of 2022 a good one. We were CREATED to love. 

Love, Lori Doerneman, Mother of Many
 
P.S. If you take this retreat (and I hope you do!) make it into a "retreat" by pampering yourself. Create time and space for this. Listen when kids are asleep. Get comfy. Settle in.