I made the decision. I was done with a relationship that I had been in for DECADES.
The feelings that ran through me? Relief. Excitement. Joy.
To cement my commitment, I set up an appointment with my pastor.
At the scheduled time, I sat down in my pastor's office and proclaimed, “Father, I am here to make it official. I formally renounce all diet plans.”
He looked at me in his kind way and said, “Oh, okay.”
“I have dieted my whole life. And truth be told, I think I sort of became addicted to diet plans.
“There’s always been the longing for a better weight, a better way of managing my food intake. I’d find a diet plan, I’d get excited and I’d run with it.
“I always knew that THAT one would save me from myself.”
Father kept nodding in his way, allowing me the freedom to keep sharing what was on my heart.
“Guess what I now know?”
“That diet plans will never save me. They weren’t ever designed to save me.”
At that point my priest smiled in his big way.
We chatted a bit more and I finished with, “I just wanted this to be an official thing, which is why I am bringing it before you. I am renouncing all formal diet plans.”
I left Father’s office feeling like I had wanted to feel: I had made a declaration and my love affair with diet plans was officially over.
I had severed my ties.
See, I had always, always thought that my food struggles were about the food. In fact, my entire emotional world had become about FOOD MANAGEMENT. I spent way too many hours of my life on what I was to eat or not eat.
If I ate the healthy things and only the healthy things, then I deemed myself as GOOD.
If I “fell” and ate spoonfuls of crunchy peanut butter right out of the jar (with lots of mini chocolate chips stuck into the peanut butter), then I declared myself BAD.
Lori was a bad girl much of the time. And I thought that my behavior WAS me.
This affected my spirit. I was left feeling a lot of shame. I knew I was created for more than that. I wanted to be mission-driven, not chocolate-obsessed.
It affected my motherhood. If I ate what I had not wanted to eat (what I had promised I wouldn’t eat), I’d feel shame and deep unworthiness. I parented my babies from that place.
It affected my marriage, mostly because when I ate lots of things, it would affect my GI tract. When one person feels like their insides are going to explode, it’s not exactly the recipe for a romantic evening.
What saved me was NOT another diet plan. It was NOT my good behavior.
What saved me was understanding, clearly and distinctly, something essential:
What God the Father has done for me through Jesus Christ and WHO I AM because of it.
How did I gain this new understanding? Well, I prayed for it. I was at a low place in my spiritual life because I realized I never really been in a father/daughter relationship with God the Father. Why not? Well, to put it bluntly, I was scared of Him.
That realization shook me. I wasn’t sure what to do with that new information.
Finally, I asked Jesus to show me who God the Father is to Him. It was a prayer that I knew my Jesus would answer. (I mean, come on, why wouldn’t He?)
Oh, my. The answer came and it came in a way that I didn’t expect.
The answer opened my heart, mind and soul. It was crazy fantastic but it was also difficult. Why was it difficult? Because this new understanding brought me to the bedrock of my existence. I have been a Catholic Christian my entire life and I had never really heard or understood the Gospel Message in this way.
It was so much deeper than I had been taught that I sought guidance from several priests as well as other theologians. I searched through The Catechism.
Guess what? Everything I was learning WAS Catholic. But I had never heard it or understood it like this before.
Oh my stars. It was a conversion on all levels.
The most joyous part of the equation? I was no longer a slave to the thought that what I did (or did not do) determined who I was.
I knew who I was or more importantly, WHOSE I was. And THAT determined what I did.
Everything realigned. It was glorious (and still is)!
And it got to the point where I could not stop thinking about it. I started to write a book about it, but I switched mid-gears and decided to create an online course for Catholic/Christian moms.
Why a course? That’s a good question. Well, I love parties and people. And with a course, you create something cool, you put all sorts of your heart and soul into it, then you open the doors, let people in, and then they consume what you’ve created.
Those beautiful people give instant feedback in real time. A relationship is built between the students that comment a lot and myself.
It is a party. Bottom line, I love courses.
I want to invite you into this little party of mine, but only if it’s a good fit for you.
First, a couple of questions:
The biggest question I’d like to ask:
If you’d like to be shown another way, that who you ARE can absolutely determine what you do, then join me in my unique online course, “Inside Out.” Your negative thoughts about food will be transformed….not by managing the food, but by changing the understanding of who you really are.
To find out more click here: Inside Out.