Great Expectations

Friends, in my last post I made the point that our lives are now going at Warp Speed. We are hit with a barrage of information in a single day; it’s enough to make the head swim and the nerves fray. Our souls were not made to live that fast. 

I do want to spend time in the next several weeks pondering the ways that we can bring a bit of peace and balance back into our daily lives, but before I go there, I need to address one aspect of the internet: expectations. 

I recently walked into my living room and my son Thomas, home from college, was chatting with his younger-but-no-longer-little brother David. I sat down to join them and Thomas started talking about some guy that has “blown up the internet.” I asked Thomas what was so special about the guy.

My 19-year old son spoke about this total stranger for about ten minutes, telling me how amazing he was: crazy muscular, funny, witty, wholesome, living such a profound life, never mind that he is probably on steroids, but wow, such a good guy.

Now, I believe my son. That guy had made choices and was living a life that was good for him. Sharing it was natural; Thomas pulled out his phone and showed me a video of the guy, who was standing in a gym, filming himself, no shirt, massive muscles. My son was locked in. 

Think of the videos you’ve seen, the sensational, the funny, the crazy. We have the world at our fingertips. 

My question today: Is that awesome….or insidious?

(Insidious is an interesting word. It is an adjective, and it describes a process where something happens in a gradual, subtle way, but brings harmful effects.) 

What have all of the videos and “inside looks” into the lives of a zillion people done to us? 

What have Pinterest Worthy Posts and Instagram Stories done to our hearts? 

Well, without even thinking about it, I have GREAT expectations: 

• I should feel whole and healthy and complete.
  
• I should have a strong marriage, with no money issues and little stress. 
• I should have children who are accomplished, who feel whole and healthy and complete.
• I should have an astoundingly welcoming home—pumpkins and mums on the porch, apple cider candles filling the air inside, gourmet meals awaiting all who enter. 

Friends. We judge their OUTSIDE, the perfect part they show to the world, with our INSIDES. That is what I call a One-Two Punch: 

1. We see perfection online.
2. We know our own private shit show. 

Knowing that we do not measure up can cause us to seek diversions. We want relief. Without thinking too deeply, we reach for the bottle of wine to relax. We head to the freezer for the ice cream to soothe. We binge on Netflix. We scroll for hours online. Searching. Seeking. 

What do we really need? I love thinking about these things. I am sick of going for the quick fix. When I am out of sorts, I don’t need something that takes more from me in the end. I actually need something that truly delivers what I am seeking. I need restoration. 

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I have a family. I need to get into a good head space to lead them.

Jennifer Fulwiler, stand-up comedian, convert to the Catholic faith, author, and mother of six, makes a great point about what it takes to be a great leader in her book “Your Blue Flame.” She says that what CEOs of big companies need more than anything is time to think. If they are going to lead their company in new and exciting ways, if they are going to have a grand vision, then they need to dream big. If that leader is constantly overwhelmed, no one will be inspired and no one will live up to their potential. (Fulwiler 196)

Guess what? You are the CEO of your beautiful, imperfect life. If you have children, you are the CEO of your beautiful, imperfect family. You have people that depend on you for love, connection, warmth, relationship. 

You are the one that can give them what the internet does not.

I love that thought. I need to enter into MY LIFE, with MY PEOPLE. I need to stop scrolling at what others are doing and simply live here and now. 

As I wrap this up, I just want to say thank you for reading my thoughts. I love to think. Writing helps me live my life. This morning I looked at my bathroom, which sort of looked like a teenage girl’s, and I sighed. I was embarrassed. As I have thought and pondered the topic of this post, I also did one simple thing: I cleaned my bathroom. Sounds like a normal thing, I know. But it was WEIGHING on me. Instead of letting it have that power, I just cleaned it up. 

Then an adult son and his friend stopped over. Now, this is the son that used to just disappear; I thought he wanted to be left alone. Later, as an adult, he told me he wanted to be sought, to be looked for. He wanted someone to go out of their way and just be with him. I cannot go back and change the past, but I sure as heck can be present in the present. 

So as you think about your life (and as the CEO, you must take time to think), what area of your home, life or family is weighing on you? My advice: stop expecting your life to be like someone else's and simply take action in your own. Go clean. Go buy a mum or two. Be present in your relationships. LOOK at your child. See their heart. Laugh with them and all the crazy that they bring with them. Love on them in big and small ways.

As you create beauty and intimacy in your relationships and home, you will find peace and tranquility. No, it's not for the millions "out there," it's just for your people, the most important people on the planet. 

Make your world beautiful. The only One who sees is the only one who matters.


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