“My daughter makes me insane,” a mother confided to a group I had joined. “She is the most difficult person I’ve ever met.”
The other mothers around the table made appropriate noises of understanding.
Someone asked her a specific question about her daughter and the mom gave a great example of how mean and uncaring her 20-year old daughter was
The mom said she had to do breathing exercises just to be in her presence.
I have thought a lot about that conversation. I have looked at my own family through the lens of that mother. Do I have a difficult child? Yes and no. I have fabulous children. And those same children, because they are human, can be difficult. It seems that they take turns in that role.
The bigger questions that come to mind:
What are we mothers to do when we have a child that makes us crazy?
What are we to do when our child makes decisions we would not make?
How are we to handle it when they get sly and hide things from us?
Our society/culture offers many solutions. We could drink straight from the wine bottle. Eat all the things. Tune Out. Lose ourselves in Social Media Land.
What would be a better course of action to take? Think specifically about the mom I mentioned, the one who lived in Fight Mode with her daughter. How could she change the situation?
I can hear your wheels turning. I’d love to sit down over a cup of coffee and discuss this with you.
Well, you easily tell me, she could invest. She could drop her own agenda. She could speak in a loving way. She could smile. She could do small, kind things for her daughter. She could serve her daughter’s favorite food and say things like, “I am grateful for you.” She could pray for her and ask all of heaven to pour blessings upon her baby girl.
So many things she could do.
What gets in the way of this mom loving her daughter? Personality. Pride. Annoyance. Frustration. Blindness.
So. How does a mother, busy with life and work, handle it when her child makes her feel all the levels of crazy?
I want to give a quick answer and package it in a nice little blog post. But the reality? There are no quick fixes.
But there are solutions.
As moms, we must learn how to think outside of the box. We have to be able to stand apart from our own agenda and expectations and literally examine what’s going on with us. (We are usually part of the problem.) We have to think about our thoughts and feelings and more than that, we need to rise above them.
That ability, to transcend the emotional angst of motherhood, unleashes a fantastic energy into our little world.
And if you and I want to truly Create a Beautiful Family Culture this year, we must enter in and do the work.
If we have the fortitude to be honest and incredibly self-aware with ourselves, we can make lasting changes in our hearts and in the lives of our children.
That sounds great, you say. BUT HOW?
I’m so glad you asked and oh my stars, I am SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW.
Whenever I, Lori Doerneman, am on the crazy train because of a child, I do several things. I usually talk to a friend or a husband. I pray. I go to confession (because I surely colored outside of the lines). I get quiet.
But sometimes it seems I cannot shake a particular situation and I find myself spending too much negative energy absolutely obsessing about it.
When I find myself caught in that place, I go through a mental exercise with myself. Gulp, it’s odd to even write about, but here goes: I become my own therapist.
Even though it sounds weird, it is highly effective at helping me change my heart and overcome natural feelings.
Now, normally, I would not even mention this little exercise to you, because it’s not something I’d share on this public platform.
But here’s the deal: Eric and I just created our own (free, password-protected) Resource Library, which is a special place where we can share more intimate things like this with you, our readers!
So that’s why I kept this post short. The meat and potatoes of this post are over there in our resource library.
You can be a massive agent of change in your family. You can have rich, fabulous relationships. Even when the crazy train is running.
The resource is called: Become Your Own Therapist.
Get your password/enter here: The Resource Library.